


honeymoon phase

by thatoneinsecurenerd



Series: expanding canon [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Break Up, Crying, Dialogue Heavy, Food, Heavy Angst, M/M, Medication, Thomas Sanders-centric, the other sides are mentioned only, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27033583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatoneinsecurenerd/pseuds/thatoneinsecurenerd
Summary: Spoilers for Sanders Asides: Flirting with Social Anxiety!!Thomas Sanders/Nico Flores but make it hurt?Thomas Sanders/Nico Flores but make it hurt.
Relationships: Nico Flores/Thomas Sanders
Series: expanding canon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010352
Comments: 16
Kudos: 49





	honeymoon phase

**Author's Note:**

> It's not too soon after the new episode for angst, _right_? Right.

It had been eight hours since Thomas Sanders officially met Nico Flores. 

Nico Flores. His new boyfriend. Who he had met because _Virgil_ – of all Sides – gave Thomas a literal push in the right direction. 

Upon returning home, all the Sides felt Thomas’ euphoria. Roman’s lamp flickered on and Virgil’s eyeshadow sparkled purple, as the two Sides and Thomas gushed to one another about what had happened at the mall. 

Patton was happy, too, of course, being Thomas’s heart. But he let the two Sides – who hadn’t always gotten along and now were, quite swimmingly – have their moment. 

Remus was happy for reasons that Thomas (and Virgil) figured he shouldn’t even be thinking about right now. 

Logan was happy that Thomas had found a “mate” with high intelligence. 

And Janus, Thomas’s self-preservation, was happy that Thomas was happy. 

Unfortunately, that happiness had mostly worn off by the time it was eight hours later and Thomas was finally buried under the blankets of his bed in hopes of falling asleep at a semi-reasonable time that night. 

Virgil was the only other person – if a Side could be referred to as such – in the room, perched precariously on Thomas’s dresser, across from Thomas’s bed. “What if this is just the honeymoon phase?” he asked the only other person in the room, pulling his hoodie strings so his signature black and purple hoodie hid more of his face. Nighttime had always made him more anxious. “Or what if we’ve already passed the honeymoon phase and he’s already tired of us?” 

Roman was quick to rise up to refute Virgil’s claims. He rose up next to the closet, to the left of Thomas’s bed. (Had Patton risen up, as well, it would have been in front of the window to the right side of the bed, on the opposite wall from the closet.) 

“Nonsense!” he boomed. And, well, Thomas figured any chance of getting a decent-night's sleep was figuratively defenestrated now. “I know it’s your job to worry, but there’s no reason to. We’re happy right now. We had a conversation with a cute, nice guy and got his number. We have a date with him next week.” 

“What if he gets tired of us before then?” Virgil countered. “What if he texts us tomorrow and says he actually doesn’t see us that way? That he was overwhelmed in the moment – because we did kind of put him on the spot, rushing back to him and inviting him to eat and talk when he’d clearly been intending to leave. That he realizes that the whole checking-out-the-pins-on-his-backpack and crashing-into-the-trash-can-trying-to-get-a-better-look-at-him was actually creepy and stalkerish and not cute at all and he wants us to delete his number because he never wants to see us again?” 

“You’re- well, the Nerd would have a word. Hey, that rhymed! Anyway. He was _very_ nice, and he would do or say no such things.” 

“But is it too soon to text him and ask? We have his number. We could text him and ask him if he really wants to see us again.” 

“No! You're not supposed to text someone until _three days_ after the initial meeting. Do you know nothing of the rules of courting?” 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not a rule.” 

“Well, still. We’re not doing it. Thomas, put that phone down.” Virgil had urged Thomas to pick it up. His thumb had been hovering over the Messages app icon when Roman spoke. 

“No, Thomas,” Virgil responded, turning his voice scarier, but not using the full force of it. “Pick up the phone. Text him. Ask him.” 

“Stop that!” Roman, with control over Thomas’s left hand, used it to pull the phone from his right hand and set it back down on the bedside dresser – perhaps harsher than it needed to be. It hit the wood with an audible –but soft – boom. 

Logan rose up in the room after that, straightening his tie as he took in the situation, in the darkness of Thomas’s bedroom. “It appears the two of you have returned to disagreeing. I would prefer that you cease this senseless bickering and let Thomas achieve some sleep,” he told the two bickering Sides. They instantly turned towards him, eyes ablaze. Had Logan been better at reading and expressing emotions, he might have realized he was figuratively screwed. 

“You act like Thomas would be able to get any sleep, anyway, what, with my brother parading around like he owns the place,” Roman retorted. 

“I sit here and keep him away, but you wouldn’t know that, would you, Prince Roman, head so big he only cares about himself?” Virgil responded to Roman, his fiery gaze now directed that way. Roman’s own gaze turned Virgil’s direction. Logan sunk out after shooting Thomas an apologetic glance. The man in bed simply shrugged, his shoulders brushing the soft fabric of his bed sheets. 

“I don’t _only_ care about myself! I care that Thomas has a lovely boyfriend now.” 

“Because romance is _your_ department!” 

“Says the one butting into ‘my department.’” 

“I’m expressing reasonable worries. As is _my_ department.” 

“Your worries are _not_ reasonable! We’ve only known Nico for a few hours, and he’s only known _us_ that long. That’s _not_ enough time for him to decide that he’s tired of us – which he won’t. I can sense true love, and I _know_ this is it.” 

“You’ve said that about every one of Thomas’s previous boyfriends, and it’s only ended up in heartbreak. Because _I told you so_.” 

“You’re wrong. I _know_ I’m right this time. You’ll see. Thomas, text him.” Thomas’s left hand moved on Roman’s command. 

“Glad we’re in agreement. Again.” 

“Oh, I’m not doing this for you.” 

“You’re doing it to prove you’re right. Of course. What happened to your rules of courting?” 

“Ah, well.” He shrugged. “Some rules are just made to be broken.” Thomas’s fingers tapped on the screen, composing a message to Nico. 

“You can’t sound desperate,” Virgil warned Thomas. And then, “It’s late. What if he doesn’t answer?” 

“He’s a writer. He’ll be awake.” Roman knew that from personal experience. “Tell him you had a nice time,” Roman told Thomas, “and that you’re looking forward to the date next week.” 

“Don’t call it a date! That’s too forward.” 

“But it _is_ a date.” 

“But maybe it’s like a- a friend date.” 

“He likes us. It’s not a friend date.” Thomas hit send. Immediately, Virgil began silently panicking. The panic filled Thomas, evident by the way he used his thumb to click his phone on and off and on and off... 

He almost missed the message. He would have missed it, if Roman hadn’t cried out, “Look!” Thomas clicked the phone back on. Right beneath his first message (ever!) to Nico was one from Nico, himself. 

**_I honestly wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon but I’m looking forward to it too._ **

Roman squealed, putting his closed fists in front of his mouth like that might muffle the sound. Virgil, try as he might, couldn’t find it in him to roll his eyes at Roman’s display. He couldn’t fight the upward quirk of his lips. 

Thomas, too, was smiling, even as he looked at the two Sides in the room with some mixture of fondness and fatigue. “Can I sleep now?” he asked them, yawning immediately after. 

“Of course!” Roman proclaimed. “I’ll see you soon, Thomas.” Roman sunk down with a flourish. Virgil sunk out, as well, with a two-fingered salute. 

The smile remained on Thomas’s face as he fell asleep that night, phone still in the palm of his left hand. 

*** 

After Thomas and Nico’s first date were others, a couple weeks apart. But in between those dates were several hours of texting. They got to know each other better. They talked about their passions and their work. They sent the occasional selfie, which was responded to with copious amounts of emojis with heart eyes or just plain old hearts. 

Things were going well, Thomas thought. He was happy. Nico looked happy. They were happy together, evident in the initial flustered-ness of seeing each other for the first time on the days of their dates and falling in love all over again. Of swooning over sweet gestures like holding open doors for each other or feeling how their hands fit together like perfect puzzle pieces. Of joking about their first encounter whenever they’d pass by the Karrot King in the mall or a trash can in the middle of a walkway. 

Nico spent the night for the first time about five months in. They’d had a Disney movie marathon – much to Roman’s delight – on the couch and fallen asleep with their heads resting pressed together and their legs tangled, even as they were stretched out in front of them. 

When Thomas woke in the morning, Nico was gone, and Thomas had a crick in his neck. But Nico was quick to return with a glass of water and a couple white pills – as if knowing about Thomas’s pain. The smell of bacon – which Thomas hadn’t even known he had – drifted into the living room. 

Nico’s hair was a mess on his head, and Thomas knew he was staring with his jaw dropped at the sight of it. At the sight of his handsome boyfriend. His handsome boyfriend who had spent the night with him and was now making him breakfast. 

His handsome boyfriend, who didn’t leave as soon as he woke up. Who wanted to stay for breakfast (and maybe even longer, since it was a Saturday, and neither of them had to do anything for work). 

Thomas couldn’t help but smile. Even if it wore off as soon as he took the bitter ibuprofen pills, it was back as soon as Nico helped him from the couch and led him into the kitchen, where they did the remaining cooking (and neither of them were very good at it. Nico was better than Thomas, for sure, but he made sure Thomas knew that he was a lot better at baking and he was looking forward to showing him someday) as they sung Disney songs and danced together. 

*** 

**_We need to talk._ **

It was one year into their relationship, and Thomas had thought things were going well. He was honestly able to see a future with Nico, where they lived together and maybe owned some kind of pet. Where they shared a bed and a bathroom and a kitchen. Where they got to wake up to each other’s bedhead and where they could bounce ideas off each other and get suggestions for their specific projects for work. 

But with those four words, Virgil was sending off alarm bells in Thomas’s head. “He hates you. He’s finally grown tired of us. The honeymoon phase is over. It’s over. We’re done for. He doesn’t love us anymore.” 

No other Side could get a word in. Virgil had all the sway over Thomas’s mind. And so, Thomas was pacing around his living room, sneaking a glance every so often to where he knew Virgil was. His fingers shook around his phone.

 _Is this an in-person conversation?_ Logan had managed to have Thomas ask, before he’d been figuratively kicked out of the figurative driver’s seat of Thomas’s mind. And the lack of response was another reason Thomas was pacing. 

Virgil hoped it wasn’t an in-person conversation. But usually, he knew, conversations that started with those four words were. And they never ended well. 

“It’s over. He doesn't love us anymore. He’s found someone else,” Virgil rambled, his words banging against Thomas’s skull with a vengeance. 

**_It is._ **

_Do you want to come over?_

**_That’s probably best._ **

“It’s obviously bad. It’s so bad that he can’t tell us through text and he can’t even tell us in a public space. He’s going to break up with us, I know it,” Virgil continued to ramble. Thomas continued his pacing. His breath was coming out quick. He hoped Virgil would calm down before Nico got there. _Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if Nico came and he was in the middle of a panic attack? And what if it ended up not being something that drastic, after all?_

“It will be,” Virgil retorted to the thoughts that were filtering in through his panic. “But fine.” Even though Virgil, himself, was ready to spiral, he let go of his control over Thomas. He slipped into the figurative backseat, where Patton could help calm him down. Logan returned to the figurative driver’s seat. 

He was quick to get Thomas calmed down and looking more presentable. He led Thomas through a grounding exercise and a breathing exercise, then had him smooth down his hair and straighten out the wrinkles in his T-shirt. 

And by the time that was all said and done, the doorbell rang. Virgil began panicking, inside Thomas’s head, again, as Thomas stepped aside to let Nico step inside his house. They took a seat next to each other on the couch. Thomas (and Virgil) hoped Nico couldn’t feel the way his legs were obviously shaking against Nico’s own. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Thomas asked, his voice cracking and betraying any sense of calm he might have previously been exuding. 

“I wanted to... talk about us,” Nico responded after taking a deep breath. He was as nervous as Thomas looked. Because yes, it was obvious that Thomas was a nervous wreck. For an actor, he wasn’t doing so great a job of playing it cool. Roman would have been offended, had Virgil been calm enough to point that out. 

“Nothing bad, I hope,” Thomas tried to joke, a hint of Patton shining through. Thomas’s eyes pricked with unshed tears, and that, too, was Patton shining through. 

“It’s about our relationship.” 

“Oh, I wish he’d get out with it already,” Virgil lamented inside Thomas’s head, his anxiety mounting the longer this went on. 

“I’ve been really happy with you. This year with you has been wonderful.” _But?_ “But I don’t have the same dreams for a future that you do. I don’t see myself settling down and starting a family of us and a pet. I don’t see myself doing anything other than writing and supporting myself. I don’t see myself worrying about someone else. No matter how much joy you bring me, Thomas, I just can’t see a future with you in it as my romantic partner.” 

“So you want us to just be friends, then?” 

“If you’re okay with that. But if you’re not, I get it. I get that we work really well together. I’m just... not entirely what you’re looking for in a partner, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to hold you back. But I’d like us to still be friends, so we still have a close bond, so I don’t lose you entirely.” 

“I- I don’t know, Nico. I thought we were happy.” 

“We a- We were. This year has been one of the best. You’re everything I could want in a romantic partner. But my life right now has to be devoted to my work. I don’t see a partner in that mix, maybe ever.” 

“Then why date me for a year? Why not be clear upfront that you weren’t looking for a long-time thing?” 

“I didn’t know, then. But I do now. I promise you that’s the truth. I realized it earlier today, and I wanted to tell you immediately. Otherwise, I would have felt like I was stringing you along, holding you back, and that’s not fair to you.” 

“I don’t think I can be ‘just friends’ immediately after this. I know- I know I’m going to need time and space to heal. Because I love you. I love you so much. And now I’m losing you in some capacity.” 

“I get that. Take as long as you need. And if you decide that you can’t handle being friends with me – whether your healing takes a week or five months – you have my number. 

“I’m sorry, Thomas.” 

Thomas didn’t know how to respond. Sure, he could have said “That’s fine,” or “I get it,” but it _wasn’t_ fine, and he _didn’t_ get it. _If they were perfect for each other, why couldn’t Nico see a future where they were together? When had Nico’s view of their relationship changed_ _from_ _something long-term to something undesirable?_

“You should go,” Thomas said, after the silence had stretched on long enough. 

“Yeah,” Nico breathed out, standing up. “I’m sorry again.” Nico walked past Thomas, their legs brushing. Thomas let out a shuddering breath. Nico paused and turned at the sound. The first tear slipped past Thomas’s eye. Nico’s heart broke at the sight. 

Because he still loved Thomas. Thomas meant so much to him. He just couldn’t see a future outside of his work right now, and he knew it wouldn’t be fair to continue to date Thomas even as he got more invested in his work. He knew it wouldn’t be fair to continue to date Thomas when he had that thought in his head, when he felt like he was holding Thomas back from someone better than him – someone who would be Thomas’s perfect puzzle piece, like Nico and Thomas, both, had thought _he’d_ been. 

Neither of the two said anything, and finally, Nico had to turn around again. He had to take the thirty-seven steps out of Thomas’s house. The front door closed behind him with a sense of finality. 

It closed behind him like a door to an old chapter of his life. 

It closed behind him like the inaudible sound of Thomas’s heart shattering into bits – Roman, Patton, and even Virgil, all sobbing at the loss of the one who they thought had been _the one_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Venting about my breakup that was like 15 weeks ago? _No._ (aka ‘in which I am both Nico and Thomas, and I’m still wondering how that could be’)


End file.
